Friday, January 21, 2011

My Lost Sire(ang nawawala kong ama)

               I got hurt, insecured and I cried so hard if I remember him. I am losing hope when I remember the past, my father's responsibility to me as his son.
              When I see a father, a mother and a child walking in the pavement blissfully, I pity myself because ever since in my life I did not experienced that I have a father. I just weep in my room and dreaming that someday, our roads will meet together because i am also longing for his care and comfort. I am always asking God so that he will give me a chance to know him but that prayer has no answer yet. Last time, I asked my mother if where and who is my father but she is always refusing to answer it and remains angry with me all the time I question her about him. I am puzzled why she confute to give me response and I cannot find any reason why she is always acting like that. I started to dislike my mother's attitude, I was intimidated. When my aunt had just arrived home, I asked the query if where is my father and she reasoned out that he is dead. I did not believe from what she said. I know and i can feel that he is still alive. From that time, I did not asked any question from them about my father anymore because I know that they will just refuse to answer me. When I graduated in high school, my aunt was the only one beside me going up the stage. I looked at my classmates and I saw that they are complete, a mother and a father. I again started crying and sighing wishing that my sire is with me getting up the stage and my diploma. I felt with mixed emotions that time, happy but sad. Lately, there was a friend of mine asking where is my father, i sighed. I said that he has another family across the country. I was sorry for what I said hoping that it will not come to reality. I spent my Christmas, new year and father's day with an incomplete parents but I remained firm because i have a family who is supporting me all the time. My life is like a bamboo that has hole inside and the only way to fill that hole is to find my lost sire. But that bamboo is standing still even trials and struggles come its way.  I wish I could have a superlative power so that I can easily find that someone special in my life. I want to experience how a father love his son and give his son all the best to achieve his goals in life and from that time that I would be complete.
             If the Lord will give me the opportunity to know my father, I will not dismayed in him but to accept him with all my heart. Even though I don't know where is my lost sire is, I am always praying that someday, God will make a way for us.

14 comments:

yma_mystika said...

wag kang mag alala anak, mabait ang Panginoon.hndi naman niya ipagkakait sayo yan eh.

Axl Powerhouse Production Inc, said...

so sad to heard that.. pero sabi nga ng marami everthing happen for a reason and that reason is for a good and help you to explore more on you... have a great TGIF :D

emmanuelmateo said...

maraming salamt po kuya AXL at ate YMA...

ISTAMBAY said...

sad parekoy.. faith lang.. magkikita din kayo.. darating din ang time na yun para sayo.

ngiti always parekoy... :)

Rah said...

I can see that you are new here in the blogsphere :)



We can't choose our parents, actually. Pero we can choose our attitude toward them.

Nice posts :)

Keep it up ha :)

infamous_kenneth said...

your good huh and it captures my emotions. good luck to you and your journey in life =)

Leonrap said...

ako naman, kahit andito father ko, di naman kami close... maliit pa lang kasi ako nung nagabroad sya, at never ko na syang naging close...

nga pala, check mo to, sinama kita dito... http://leonrap.blogspot.com/2011/01/makikiuso-na-din-ako.html

emmanuelmateo said...

ISTAMBAY; thank you po sa inyo.im hoping po someday mgkikita kme

emmanuelmateo said...

Rah: thank you po,d po ako nagsisisi na nging parents ko cla.

Kenneth: T.Y 4 d appreciation.muahh

Leonrap: o kpag lumalayo rin cla, ksabay din ng pglayo ng loob ntin sa knila dba. mbuti nga my ama ka.

agustindhemie said...

Naku frend.wag kang mawawalan ng pag-asa.my plano si God pra sa iyo.lakasan mo lng loob mo.

uno said...

matampuhin ka ata... lagi po akong nand2 hindi lang ako ngcocoment tlga tamad eh...

first, longing for a father pareho tayo but different story i will tell u pag nasa post ko na...

second, wag kang mabulag sa paghahanap ng pagmamahal ng isa ama... kasi you may take for granted ung pagmamahal na binibigay ng mga ttao sa paligid mo.... dont let it happen... wag n wag...

wag mong hanapin ang pag-ibig ng isa gayun ang daming nagmamahal sayo

emmanuelmateo said...

salamat po kuya Uno..at naiintindihan niyo ang nararamdaman ko.

Kim, USA said...

My heart goes for you. I have my set of parents but I have nieces and nephew whom they don't see their father because he abandoned them. Your mom should not hide your father's identity but if she chooses that, we have to respect her decision. There will be come a time when she will tell you your fathers identity and you may or may not like it. So for now continue to pray and have faith that someday you may get to know him. Visit this site to know what I am talking about ^_^
My Pride and Joy

emmanuelmateo said...

Kim Usa: Thank you po!!